


A Conversation with an Old Friend on an Old Flip-Phone

by cardassianfamilyvalues



Category: Animorphs - Katherine A. Applegate
Genre: Book 54: The Beginning, Post-War, more angsty conversations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:48:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27428188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cardassianfamilyvalues/pseuds/cardassianfamilyvalues
Summary: Cassie works on saving the world again, this time with little to no killing.
Relationships: Cassie & Rachel (Animorphs), Jake Berenson/Cassie (Animorphs), Jake/Cassie post-break-up
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	A Conversation with an Old Friend on an Old Flip-Phone

Cassie was at her desk at the California branch of the Hork-Bajir-Taxxon-Human Solidarity Organization. Between this, her federal government post, her environmental work, and studying for veterinary school, she was stretched to her absolute limit. But it was a different kind of exhaustion from the old days. Her work was constructive, not destructive.

Still, the worst part was the paperwork. No—the worst part was dealing with all the politicians, the corporations, all these entrenched interests who didn’t seem to realize the whole galaxy had been turned upside down and that they would have to change. It was much better being out in nature. Pushing her shovel into the warm earth, running with the wolves in the vast forests, soaring through the air on a warm thermal. No longer morphing to fight, but to be one with nature, and to defend it. Sure, it sounded mega-corny, but it was the truth.

Suddenly, her phone rang. An old flip-phone—she couldn’t be bothered to get a new one. Apple-Andalite Assorted Enterprises came out with a new iPhone every year with thought-speech features or iZero-space capability or whatever, but she didn’t see the point. She looked down. An old flip-phone displaying very familiar old phone number. She hesitated for a moment, then picked up the phone. “Hi, Jake.”

“Hi, Cassie. Um, how are you?”

“I’m good. You just caught me at a good time, actually. I’m at my desk in Sacramento. How are you?”

“That’s a good time?” Jake said, ignoring her question.

“Well, usually I’m out in the field and I don’t have my phone. I’m working on the Hork-Bajir rights campaign right now.”

“Oh right yeah, I think I saw something about that on the news. How’s everybody?”

“They’re doing fine, but the state government’s talking about diverting the river in their valley to make room for a new development. I’ve been working with Toby, she’s got an office next to me. Man, you should see those lobbyists’ looks when an adult Hork-Bajir woman comes barreling toward them in the hallway. But how are _you_?”

“I’m fine,” Jake said unconvincingly.

“You know you can talk to me whenever.”

“Yeah, sure,” he said sarcastically, “we’ve got such a good relationship.” _I think he’s been drinking_ , she realized suddenly.

“Jake. I’m serious. You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” _Is this because we broke up? Come on, Jake. We shared so much. We shared the war. We shared Rachel, for god’s sake._

“Sorry. That was assholish of me. Honestly…..I saw the news about Arbron. I wanted to say, I’m sorry.”

“Yeah. It was really tragic. Thanks for getting in touch.” She tried to think of a new, safe topic. “How are your parents?”

“My parents? How are my _parents_? They're shit, mostly. But then we can't all have perfect families like you.”

“Jesus, Jake, if you called just to take your anger out on me you can—” Cassie took a deep breath. “Look—don’t you think it’s time we forgave each other?”

“Don’t you think it’s time you forgave me, is what you mean. You are so passive-aggressive.”

“I mean—I’m not mad at you. In the first place. Okay. Well, I was mad at you a little. But it was unfair of me and I’m not anymore.”

What she wanted to say is _people beak up Jake, that’s life_. Or, alternatively, _fuck you, Jake. Is that aggressive-aggressive enough for you?_

“Good for you.”

“Is it still about the morphing cube?”

“No, it’s not about the fucking morphing cube. Who cares.”

“Look, Jake, I don’t know what exactly’s going on with you but I don’t think I can help. So be an adult about this, or hang up, because I have a lot more important things I could be doing with my time right now.”

He started in on something, but she hung up before he could finish.

The worst part is, on some level, Cassie still wished that she could help him. Every night, as she tried to fall asleep, the knowledge that Jake was suffering gnawed at her. Rachel’s ashes in that little urn, Tobias flying away with all that pain he kept locked up inside, and now the image of Arbron, torn apart by poachers.

Unlike with the other stuff, which was over and done, she should have been able to help Jake. But she didn’t know how. It used to be so easy. Everything was harder back then but also so, so much easier. Constant moral danger doesn’t leave a lot of room for emotional maturity.

She also wished Jake wouldn’t treat her like an annoying mom. They had been so much more than that. They were _still_ so much more than that.

But ever since that fateful day in the woods, there was an ice wall between her and Jake. She wondered if he lay awake at night worrying about her. Probably not.

_Oh, Cassie’s the mature one. Cassie’s the peaceful one. Cassie can adjust. Cassie will be fine. Cassie doesn’t wake up screaming with nightmares. Cassie doesn’t miss the feeling of bloodlust, tearing into Hork-Bajir flesh with sharp wolf teeth. Cassie doesn’t have anger or guilt or shame swirling around her like a constant fog._

_God_ , she missed Rachel. Even before the war, she’d be the first person Cassie would’ve talked to about something like this. Even though Jake was her cousin and it would be embarrassing to talk about. She remembered the first time Rachel had introduced her to Jake, and Rachel had teased her for blushing the whole time, but she’d also backed off when she’d seen that Cassie really was embarrassed.

She couldn’t help feeling bitter. She’d kept Jake from killing Tom, to try to protect him, and he’d killed him all the same. She’d taken the big risk, of giving up the morphing cube, and without that, they couldn’t have won the war. They’d be slaves, or dead, either by the Yeerks or by the Andalites. The hard-but-right thing, even in war, wasn’t always the violent thing, the ruthless thing. Sometimes it was the humane, unpopular, self-righteous thing.

She’d told Rachel she was bloodthirsty. She reminded the horrible arguments about nuking their town, about the morphing cube, Rachel calling her a traitor to the human race, almost hitting her. She regretted it. Not her actions—she’d been right—but what she regretted is she’d never get the chance to make things okay with Rachel. Of course, they’d never be middle-school-BFF-friendship-bracelet friends again. But they could have been something deeper, something more real post-war, something richer precisely because they’d been through so much.

But even more than that, she just missed Rachel’s presence. She wished Rachel had been around for their media tours, to antagonize sexist talk-show hosts and give her fashion advice and shock the nation with her blunt talk. She wished Rachel had been there to galvanize Jake out of his depression and make merciless fun of Marco’s new Hollywood lifestyle and keep Tobias from flying away into the horizon. She wished she hadn’t had to watch Rachel’s mom and her little sisters bawling their eyes out at the funeral.

 _Like Dad always says, you always carry those you’ve lost in your heart_. When he’d first said that, at Rachel’s funeral, she’d been comforted by those words. But she hadn’t realized what a burden that was too, that everything you’d lost was always with you, haunting you, no matter how good your life seemed to be going, and no matter how hard you tried to keep busy.

 _Life is for the living, Mom always says_ , Cassie thought to herself as she turned back to the mountain of memos on her desk.

**Author's Note:**

> Aaaand I finished this way sooner than I thought I would!
> 
> Edited to reflect the fact that I completely and totally forgot that SPOILERS Jara Hamee dies in #54.


End file.
